I’m Over You Fear!

Forewarning: this is a sensitive one…

Maybe you’ve noticed my absence in writing lately. I’ve honestly been trying to avoid this post and I haven’t been able to write anything else in the meantime…but I can feel the Holy Spirit whispering “write this out!!!”

So I’m going to be obedient — here we go…

“Why do you care what anyone else thinks about you?” she asked, almost begging it out of me with deep concern.

My eyes zeroed in on hers as I revealed to yet another friend my very real and ongoing personal struggle, “I don’t know, I guess it goes back to my people-pleasing motives. As much as I want to think it doesn’t, I suppose the sexual abuse from my childhood probably messes with me still, subconsciously…and that’s why I’m bothered if I think someone has a problem with me.”

That conversation between my friend and I isn’t too terribly seasoned, the words of encouragement she spoke over me as we visited are still fresh on my mind.

Fear is something I struggle with almost daily. And fear of acceptance is my biggest battle.

I want people to accept me for who I am. I don’t want to let them down. I want them to be pleased with who I’ve become.

There are times when I feel like I’m okay and other times when I think I could largely benefit from temporarily living in a mental institute to sort out and nullify my crazy. My friend had caught me on a not-so-good day. Continue reading “I’m Over You Fear!”

Celebrations & Ramblings

Just a little update-post while I have some extra time today!

First the milestones:

  • Warren (my son) started going to public school this year, 4th grade…and he loves it! His teacher is amazing so that’s a huge bonus!
  • The beginning of September, WordPress notified me that For His Purpose blog has been a go for two years now!! When I first decided to start a blog I honestly didn’t think I had much more than two or three deep thoughts to share, so to think that I’ve now written over 80 posts in the past two years with 280 followers, blows my mind.
  • Had an awesome time at women’s weekend with maybe 45 minutes of sleep.
  • Nathan and I celebrated our 15 year wedding anniversary last month…with…insert drumroll please…a trip to Subway! They have gluten-free bread! (Side note: always have it toasted, it helps kill the rubbery texture) Continue reading “Celebrations & Ramblings”

Burnt Popcorn Lessons

Lately I’ve been volunteering to help in our church office on Monday afternoons.

I show up with half my house usually—plus my homeschooled daughter (every now and then). There are times when I have extra task to do while I’m there so I keep busy, other times I’m able to settle in and catch up on a good book or work on a Bible study or other personal things.

Having McKenzie with me I make sure to keep her occupied by leaving schoolwork for the afternoon so she has something to do to pass time.

Last Monday after her and I situated ourselves in the office she declared she was ready for her popcorn snack. She’s pretty serious about popcorn so I headed off to the kitchen immediately with the unpopped bag of popcorn in my hand and an eagerness to please my child as my mission.

All microwaves are different right?!!! Continue reading “Burnt Popcorn Lessons”

In Honor of 9/11

***If time is an issue don’t even read my blog post, just go straight down to the video and be sure to watch the whole thing; it’s an incredible testimony of a man (pilot) who was originally scheduled to fly the first plane to crash on 9/11.***

When Nate and I first began homeschooling our kids we attended an annual homeschool conference every Spring. We had some best friends who would also go and we’d all make a long weekend out of it, enjoying adult company with one another. Some of our best memories have come from those days.

During the time that we’d spend at the actual conference I’m pretty sure the guys found most of their entertainment counting the number of pregnant women and sneaking catnaps hoping us wives wouldn’t notice. Each year the homeschool conference would host a guest speaker and to be honest some years were better than others depending on who was speaking, so I could actually understand the catnaps — but when Nate snores it’s loud…and in a room filled with scholarly people it’s embarrassing and not acceptable regardless of whoever’s speaking.

One year a husband and wife, Steve and Megan Schneibner, shared the stage and gave advice from their own experiences as homeschool parents of eight. As a couple they travel extensively — teaching on marriage, parenting, and discipleship and have authored several books and studies. I recall their talk-sessions as humbling, motivational, and filled with wisdom and if I remember right their talks even held my hubby’s interest!

But what has stuck with me the most was Steve’s remarkable story; I’ve attached a video — an interview where Steve describes the direct impact 9/11 had on his life.

***Info collected from familyconferences.org***

‘Steve Schneibner feels like he is living on borrowed time. He was initially scheduled to fly AA flight 11 on September 11, 2001, the first of four planes to be hijacked on that fateful day. Through a divine set of circumstances, Steve was bumped from that flight the night before by a more senior pilot…’

Schneibner’s strong Christian character and Biblical worldview make his experience an inspiring, heart-warming testimony to his faith. The video interview is about ten minutes long — well worth the time and honor to the 9/11 event.

I hope you’ll take time to watch!!❤️

A Thorn In My Flesh

If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time you know I openly share about past struggles and overcoming adversity through Christ’s strength. I’ve wrote about my failures and the reality of how I used to live one hundred percent in the world and not at all in God’s word.

There are times when Satan still torments my thoughts with shame or regret from my past—and it’s in those moments where I have to press into God’s truth, allow the Holy Spirit to remind me of memorized scripture, and spend time in prayer to counteract and push those thoughts away. I want so badly to not only push them away, but to throw them out, entirely…But I think of Paul’s writing in 2 Corinthians 12:7b and it helps me sort out my ongoing battle, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” -2 Corinthians 12:7b Continue reading “A Thorn In My Flesh”

Avoiding Fourth of July Freak Outs

I was running late, which is more normal for me than not, unfortunately. The kids had stayed the night at my mom’s and my girls and I were supposed to be involved in a running event that was taking place sooner than I cared to acknowledge.

It happened to be the Fourth of July and my attitude was on the edge of rupturing and popping with the best of any ear-piercing firecrackers.

When I’m running late I just get bent out of shape, and anyone around me reaps the negative results. This was one of those times—one where I felt ready to burst and far from control of anything reasonably manageable.

I rushed into my mom’s house to grab my daughters so we could quickly make it to the park where the race was to begin in ten minutes. My sass-tude finally caved and wildly flared when I walked in to everyone still sleeping!

Like a string of black-cats that had just been lit, I set fire with my words! “Why in the world are y’all still sleeping?!! We have to be there in ten minutes!! If you’re coming with me then get up and get going!! Hurry up!!!”

You know the saying ‘dynamite comes in small packages’…that was me right then—except I’d bypassed any caution tags and went full on explosive. Continue reading “Avoiding Fourth of July Freak Outs”

Worth More Than Diamonds

For almost three years straight I hadn’t been able to find my wedding ring — which didn’t really surprise me because I was always misplacing it for a few days at a time prior to that.

I’d place it on the bathroom counter or leave it on my mom or mother-in-law’s kitchen sink and it’d sit there for days until someone would pipe up and let me know they found my ring…again…meanwhile I’d be frantically searching everywhere it was not, hoping to find it!

At one point I even went extreme and had my husband’s first initial tattooed to my finger during one of the many times my ring was missing. Now I have the letter N permanently tattooed to my ring finger, which is fine…BUT I live in Nebraska (Husker nation) and I’ve actually had several people ask me if the N was for that reason….umm no….I’ll keep from further commenting so no sassy comments come out.

Last week I’d really been thinking heavily about my real, original wedding ring. I even ‘re’searched spots I’d already checked a thousand other times. Continue reading “Worth More Than Diamonds”