I’m finally feeling back to myself again! Which is a good thing I hope!!
I had Covid over Thanksgiving and man I feel for anyone who battles Covid physically, but for myself it really messed with me mentally—and with my emotions as well.
It was the reality of being secluded from my family (in effort to keep them from getting sick) over a holiday that’s bent on togetherness—that’s what really got to me. And although I tried to stay focused and connected to God through reading His word, devotions, and prayer through it all, Satan managed to squeak his ridiculous way in to play mind-games with me.
I struggled with the realization that my kids are growing up so fast…I worried that I didn’t enjoy them enough as babies…I longed to hug each of them individually and apologize for my crazy mood swings over the years…I feared that I’ve messed them up for future parenting of their own one day…
Forget doctor’s orders to stay hydrated, instead I filled up on shame and regret, even digging up dirt on myself from pre-Christian years and settling on the messy memories I have of childhood trauma. My thoughts felt completely out of my control. A total downward spiral. It was absolutely miserable and ugly. I was devastated and I cried a lot. A lot!
Looking back I can only now see how silly this must seem but it truly felt smothering at the time.
When Satan has his way with our thoughts it can cause those valley-seasons to feel like we’re endlessly cratering. The sense of darkness can seem overwhelming and paralyzing.
BUT THERE’S HOPE WHEN WE REMEMBER JESUS—when we fix our eyes upward—when we cling to God’s faithfulness and we fill that somber void with His peace—when we remember seasons are only just simply seasons, and new ones are fixing to surface.
Several times during my depressive state, I would literally, pronounce, “get behind me Satan.” There is power in our words and putting Jesus in front of everything else makes a profound difference.
Recognizing the struggle and anguish I was experiencing, I focused on verses 4 & 5 from John 1, stating that the darkness has not overcome the light…
“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Our tree is now up to celebrate the Christmas season, and goodness the golden-colored lights wrapped around it are such a reminder of the beautiful truth in those verses. It amazes me that such tiny little lights can put out such a bright illumination…at night they cut through the dark effortlessly with such a stark contrast.
What a wonderful portrayal of the very way Jesus operates…He longs to overflow our darkest days with the hope and energy of His light if we’ll allow ourselves that kind of power supply.
Maybe you can relate with me and sometimes experience what feels as if it’s a shortage every now and then but as we stay connected to the Light, the darkness will never, ever overcome…and that’s something worth brightening our outlook!

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” —John 8:12
My goodness, I praise God you are recovered from Covid with no lasting effects. I pray excellent health over you. I feel I personally understand what you were going through, all my family, except 2 members, some vaccinated and some unvaccinated, got covid before Thanksgiving, ranging in age from 5 to 35 after schools dropped mask mandates. I didn’t have it, and felt helpless to help in anyway, scared for everyone, fear just magnifying, I just remember quietly praying, and I felt a flood of peace and knew God was in control. Prior to that I was a complete crying mess. God is with us and fighting for us. I believe we both got miracles. Praise God! 🙏
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I’m so sorry for what you went through during that time. I’m thankful for the peace God brings when we pray and cry out to Him.
The thing that makes me most crazy about Covid is that it’s so hard to make plans because you have no idea when it might hit. I’ve had to get better about keeping this verse in mind, Proverbs 16:9: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
Like you said we need to keep in mind (also) that God is in control no matter what!! Thank you so much for reflecting with me.❤️
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I am sorry you went through all that. But I am glad you are feeling better. I can definitely relate, though. The enemy plays with my head often. And in those moments it surely feels as though there is no hope whatsoever. It’s frustrating that he can make us feel so down and lost. And when I think about it, it makes me angry. But I like the way you helped to battle it by saying “Get behind me Satan.” I remember my grandmother used to say, “Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.” Sometimes I will do that as well. And I tell him to get away from me and my family. I also love the verses you talked about in John 1. I will have to remember them when I am feeling down. What hope this gives us to know that The Light of the world cannot be overcome! Thanks for sharing this encouragement. Praying for you, my friend!
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Thank you so much Bridget for the encouragement and prayers. I truly believe if we share our ups and downs and lift one another in prayer it makes a big difference.
I’ve heard that rebuke before that your grandmother used to say and have also said those words myself, so powerful!
God is faithful!!❤️
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I agree! Although I am not always good about sharing as deeply as I want to on my own posts, because of certain people that read them, like my parents. I appreciate you sharing and you encourage me to be more transparent.
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That makes sense, I have a few email followers who I see in person and I sometimes feel uncomfortable because of what I’ve shared, because I do share deeper in writing than in talking. I have to remember though that it’s not for them to judge but boy that’s hard!!
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Very true! And if God lays it on our hearts to share, then we should. Our words might help someone out there. 🤗
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I battled it in similar ways and I also had to rebuke Satan so much to tell him he could not have my mind which had been taken over by fear. It messed me up both mentally and physically which was been fun. Ha. Not! The mental is getting better slowly – the physical I am still tired and trembling but cbd oil is helping that a little bit.
I am glad you are doing so well!
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I’m sorry you’ve had that stuff linger, especially the trembling, that’s crazy.
Thank you for sharing so I can keep praying you continue to make progress quickly. Praying your family stays healthy too and that you can enjoy Christmas together.❤️🙏
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Keep you light of encouragement burning Alicia . . .
“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” I John 4:4
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Thank you for the reminder of that verse.❤️
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Little sister thank you for sharing your experience. Spiraling is an understandable reaction to isolation during a special holiday. I am glad you are on the mend.
Please do not be hard on yourself little sister about the past. The bible says as far as east is from west is how far God casts our sins away. He does not remember them against you, so any voice that tries to drag you down is not from God.
Oh and keep listening to your doctor and take it easy 🙂
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Thank you Matt!! That encouragement means a lot! Sometimes I feel like I know God’s truths in my head but I have trouble holding them in my heart!😬 so thankful we get to love on one another and build each other up like His example.
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Jesus loves you little sister
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Oh yes! You could be writing my story Alicia! This happens to me as well and I remember to take each thought captive and make them obedient to Christ. Its work to stay focused on the truth of God’s Word amidst the dark. Thank you for this vulnerable and encouraging post!
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Thank you Vanessa for reflecting with me, and yes you are so right—take every thought captive and make it obedient to the Lord!! Love that verse.❤️Thankful for His faithfulness through it all.
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Amen, Alicia! I’m glad you are okay. I understand going through those attacks. I have been getting hit with shame, guilt, and regret a lot this past year. It’s horrible and it hurts bad. You are right, we must cry out to Jesus and rebuke those attacks. Praying blessings for you and your family!
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Thank you so much and for being transparent too so I can continue praying over your trials also. I’m thankful for WordPress so we can share, encourage and pray for one another.
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I have long been convinced our minds are more fragile than we think. The downward spiral is never good. Any little (or big) chemical change in our body affects the mind and spills over all kinds of ways. I know I am spiritually vulnerable too easily. I tend to get depressed and withdraw. Good verses to keep yourself grounded Alicia.
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Thank you Gary. You are so right, our minds are fragile and flexible…thank God for His strength and control…can’t imagine going through these things without faith. Praising Him.
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Oh, Alicia. I’m SO sorry you had to endure such an emotional trial while in Covid-isolation–on Thanksgiving no less. I don’t think there’s a mother alive who hasn’t questioned her mothering skills, the choices she’s made concerning her children. As our three grew into the elementary and middle school years, I returned to full-time teaching (to start saving up for their college years and our retirement). The thought plagued me that Child #3 had received the short end of the mothering stick, since I so often had papers to grade and lessons to plan, etc. One day when he was in his late teens I mustered the nerve to ask him, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your childhood?” Without hesitation, he replied, “Eleven!” The lesson: We’re often much harder on ourselves than those around us–including our children. May the Joy of Christmas shine especially merry and bright, Alicia, after what you’ve endured!
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Hugs sis. I thank God for giving you victory and what the enemy meant for evil is now being used to comfort others.❤🌷
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Amen!! Glory to Him!!
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Alicia, I’ve had those mind trips where I am bombarded by everything that I could worry about, feel guilty about, get angry about, etc. Usually, it’s at about 3:00 in the morning when I’m trying to get back to sleep. The mind is sure a battlefield, isn’t it?
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Boy it is!! Thankfully Jesus has already won the war!
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I like what you said about speaking out loud. There’s something about hearing the truth that cuts through the lies. This is the reason I pray out loud every day, even if it’s just a whisper. And I pray Scripture! (“Lord, in view of Your mercy, I offer my body as a living sacrifice …”) (Romans 22:1)
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‘There’s something about hearing the truth that cuts through the lies.’
Ohhhh that’s so good!!! Love that! I do pray outloud but not all the time. But I see how it helps not allow other thoughts to cut into my prayers and cause distraction when I do pray out loud…
Good stuff! Thanks for sharing.
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I love how real you are, Alicia. Every one of us has experienced this same thing, those attacks from Satan when we’re down. Satan is not a gentleman. He loves to get at us when we’re at our weakest. Praise God that He showed Himself faithful to you as you focused on Him! Thank you for sharing this experience and in doing so giving us all hope. Take care of yourself and Merry Christmas!
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Thank you so much Patty! That was such an awful experience mentally.
I’m thankful we have the opportunity to share our struggles with one another so we can pray and encourage one another and knowing that others relate is bittersweet, it helps knowing we’re not alone.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.❤️❤️❤️
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One of the biggest blessings on this journey is sharing the load with others. Merry Christmas to you and your family, Alicia! 💚❤️
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So glad you are feeling better!
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Thank you!!
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Seclusion is a big tool of our enemy. So glad you endured to the end. Here’s to a healthy new year, Alicia. God’s grip – Alan
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