Through some really traumatic childhood experiences, where blame could be directly targeted to certain individuals, I’ve learned forgiveness by the grace of God in ways that only make sense through Him.
Things that many would’ve deemed unforgivable I was able to humbly hand over to God who replaced those hardships with divine peace.
When I reflect back to those early years of my life, with the wisdom I’ve gained since, I now recognize numbness must have began building as the afflictions happened.
Finding faith years later actually made it very easy to forgive those who were guilty because I was so far-distanced from feeling the hurt I had experienced. God’s goodness in my new-found faith was so powerful and contagious that it exceedingly outweighed the darkness.

The only way I can understand it is because I believe in the beauty of God’s mercy and grace and I see his work upon it without a shadow of a doubt, plus I consider how desperately I’m in need of his forgiveness for my own self-imposed errors.
Forgiveness in those major adversities from my younger years just isn’t something I struggle with.
…BUT somehow lately I’ve felt a small nudging of bitterness within me from petty offenses done to me by others more recently.
Subconsciously I guess I’ve tallied them up and now they slowly ooze over me. This is not an experience I wish to have linger around, and quite possibly it reverts back to PTSD from my little girl years unfortunately.
I’m more aware of hurtful feelings because my mind and heart are grounded to Jesus these days. Words or actions of betrayal are something that don’t just go unnoticed on my radar. I can actually feel and process my hurts at this point of my life, it’s a good thing but God has shown me that often times I react negatively.
That negativity that I’ve started to compile transfers as sin and doesn’t fit the necessary mold of Christianity.
I actually tried to avoid writing this post and even went blank last week to come up with a different post as God continued to gently prod me in this particular direction while I fought against it. I’ve wrestled through the words but have realized the timing of digging through this is perfect.
Because it’s Easter week I’m doing a Bible reading with my family in the mornings and evenings, recounting the last days of Jesus’ life. The lessons to be taken in are refreshing reminders.
When I think about the cross my mind inevitably races to Jesus — his willingness to take our sins upon himself out of a love meant to glorify his Father is the most amazing of phenomenons. Man I just never want to be comfortable enough to take that truth for granted. I don’t ever want to feel like I’ve (personally) allowed him to suffer in vain.
The reality of it comes down to the very fact that Jesus shed his perfect blood and died for those big sins I experienced when I was too young to know better — and he also died for the sins of others that I call petty but still get bent out of shape about. On top of that he died for the sin of bitterness I try and tuck away among my other character flaws.
He died for ALL sin. (1 John 2:2)
Had Jesus’ life completely ended at the cross I would be pointlessly seeking a freeness from my sins…we all would.
But the FULLNESS of the life-giving, glorious hope of the Easter story isn’t nailed and halted at the cross like our sins were…we can’t end there…because when we look at the big picture we move on from a sacrificial cross that served a holy purpose, to an empty tomb that provides and points to a sacred resurrection celebration!
God doesn’t want us to hold onto sins of any sort, no matter their size or place on our life’s timeline — if he did, there’d have been no reason for Jesus’s death to begin with.
If (as Christians) we are to replicate Jesus’ example of love, obedience and glory to God then my sin-issue of clinging to offenses must give way (John 14-15). Anything other than that takes advantage of God’s mercy and grace.
My goal is to do better in recognizing my irritation in the small things (and the big) before they have a chance to negatively impact my emotions. And to remember that the cross shows the commitment of forgiveness and love our victorious God has for us — in whom there is no place for sin to be found at all.
With every single breath of life I’m blessed with, that’s something I want to continually place my hope in and follow after wholeheartedly!!
He is risen!! Happy Easter!!
My dear friend, I am so proud of you for openly processing your pain and difficulty with bitterness. My ugliness comes from unrealistic expectations that I put on myself and others. This is not a recipe for a happy life! Fortunately, God is a loving and gentle God and he is lovingly getting me back on track!
Happy Easter!
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Thank you Barb ❤️I think it helps so much to process and overcome by opening up — and especially in realizing others can relate.
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I agree ♥️
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Alicia, I can’t think of a better post for Easter weekend. God’s grip – Alan
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Thank you Alan! Happy Easter!
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Sometimes getting a “Win” in areas of our life are hard fought and the enemy tries to get us back to the same game. I’m so glad Jesus already won and helps us win as well. Someday we get to stand on the victory podium or circle or whatever it looks like. Thanks for sharing Alicia
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Thank you for reading and commenting!!
Very encouraging insight!!
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This was powerful and timely for me, Alicia, and I thank you for so openly sharing. I have an area of forgiveness that I struggle with. I love what you said – …”the cross shows the commitment of forgiveness…” I’ve been convicted this week about deep areas of hurt that I still struggle with, and how Jesus forgave so freely on the cross. I’ll save your blog and read it again, I’m sure. Many blessings to you, and have a very Happy Easter.
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Thank you Patty! I’m trying to really focus on positivity!! I hate to say it but it really helps to simply know fellow Christians can relate, there’s something humbly encouraging about that especially when we aren’t afraid to admit. But hopefully we learn to move forward out of our struggles!!🙏
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I understand, as I too struggle with small afflictions. I really appreciate you being so open with this post. It was encouraging to me. I pray we can learn to cling to Jesus, remembering all that He did for us, and this will help us to move forward with peace. Celebrating Resurrection Sunday adds a new level of perspective, and helps us to extend forgiveness to others, as the Lord has done for us. Thank you for this encouraging post. I pray you and your family have a Happy Easter. ✝️
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Thank you Bridget! Ya I think I’m naïve at times, I’m especially taken by surprise when other Christians come across negatively. I get frustrated but have to remember Jesus covers all of the hold-ups! His love is where I need my focus to be so I can reflect that no matter the circumstances. Thanks for reading and commenting!
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I don’t know if you follow Candace Cameron Bure, but she has a new devotional guide called Radical Kindness, available through Dayspring. I thought of you since it has to do with your 2021 word. ❤️
Here’s the link:
https://www.dayspring.com/candace-cameron-bure-radical-kindness-love-over-all-devotional-guide?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TEONNNP20210405CandaceRadicalKindness&utm_term=Candace%20List%20%2B%20Compassion%20List%20-%20Combined
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Awe that’s super sweet!! Thanks so much for sharing, I’ll check it out right now!
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Little sister I am so proud of you for the woman you have become through Jesus working in your life. You have a gentle spirit. It saddens me to think of anyone harming my little sister when she was a child. I rejoice you are a daughter of the Most High God. I rejoice that you know Jesus. YOu are a blessing 🙂
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Thank you Matt!! I’m so thankful to have connected with you and so many others on WordPress! Writing has been so spiritually therapeutic in my journey of healing! I’m thinking (soon) I’ll do a testimony post like you did, I’ll probably have several parts/posts too otherwise it’d be way too long for one blog post!
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Looking forward to your posts little sister
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Awesome post, Alicia, amen! May we all rest in His forgiveness. Have a blessed Easter!
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Thank you Ryan!! I’ve missed your posts! Hope you and your family are well!!
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Alicia, thank you for stepping out of the comfort zone to be real in sharing your challenges and how God is working you through them. Amen for God making an amazing way for us through Jesus. ❤️
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Amen!! Thanks so much for reading and encouraging!!❤️Have a great week!
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This post definitely resonated with me. I was bullied incessantly as a child and still struggle to let go of some of that pain, even though much of it happened more than 50 years ago!
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Ughh it can be so daunting trying to get past those hardships…someone explained recently that they get ingrained in our subconscious so it’s hard to tackle them on the forefront..I just have to look at it as another opportunity to trust God when those ill thoughts come…I need to override them with scripture’s comfort!! Praying you’ll find peace also!!!
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What a beautiful, honest, testimony. Those fresh, raw wounds are sometimes the hardest to respond positively too, no matter how small. Such a great reminder to let them go and carry on with forgiveness and grace. 🥰🥰. You are so brave for sharing this! Happy Easter! He is risen!
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Thank you! I appreciate your sweet words❤️ have an amazing week!
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This is a really amazing post Ali. ❤❤❤ When I started reading it there was so much comfort and reassurance in your words. Your words of faith, reliance and the peace you gain from your close relationship with Jesus is so clear in your words. It really is written so beautifully.
Then you confess the things that you want to hide from everyone. I can so relate. I bet there isn’t a soul out there that can’t relate to that feeling. Do I have to share this one Lord? The wrestling… yep. But you know what? You are so beautiful and brave. That’s what our Lord does, doesn’t He. He makes us brave.
Keep shining your light Ali. ❤ Jesus has made you an inspiration. ❤❤❤ I hope you, Nate and the kids are doing well. Love and prayers to all of you. ❤
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Ahhh Tina thank you for your sweet words of comfort! This one was challenging to write. I understand it in my mind but haven’t been sure if I was able to write it out in a way that made sense…but your comment is encouraging and reassuring!
I’m thankful for the blessing of WordPress in the fact that we can pour our hearts and thoughts out and others can relate.
I hope you and Andrew are well and those kitty cats too!! Thanks for reading and sharing!!❤️
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I really related to this post, Alicia. Processing in words and sharing our stories is such a crucial part of recovery. I’m writing a book about my journey – I so get the forgiveness differences too. I’d love to chat about this with you. x
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Ahhh that’s so cool, good for you!!
I’d love to read it!
I have quite a story, I suppose, and have considered writing a story of it but have no idea where I’d start! Maybe your book will inspire me❤️
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Amen. I will share it with you for sure. It is there to be told, beautiful lady. x
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❤️
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