I’m Over You Fear!

Forewarning: this is a sensitive one…

Maybe you’ve noticed my absence in writing lately. I’ve honestly been trying to avoid this post and I haven’t been able to write anything else in the meantime…but I can feel the Holy Spirit whispering “write this out!!!”

So I’m going to be obedient — here we go…

“Why do you care what anyone else thinks about you?” she asked, almost begging it out of me with deep concern.

My eyes zeroed in on hers and my words went something like this as I revealed to yet another friend my very real and ongoing personal struggle , “I don’t know, I guess it goes back to my people-pleasing motives. As much as I want to think it doesn’t, I suppose the sexual abuse from my childhood probably messes with me still, subconsciously…and that’s why I’m bothered if I think someone has a problem with me.”

That conversation between my friend and I isn’t too terribly seasoned, the words of encouragement she spoke over me as we visited are still fresh on my mind.

Fear is something I struggle with almost daily. And fear of acceptance plays a huge part in that.

I want people to accept me for who I am. I don’t want to let them down. I want them to be pleased with who I’ve become.

There are times when I feel like I’m okay and other times when I think I could largely benefit from temporarily living in a mental institute to sort out and nullify my crazy. My friend had caught me on a not-so-good day.

I’ve dealt with fear for as long as I can remember and have developed a poor habit to brace myself for the next bad thing to happen…

Fear when my mom would have a seizure and my hard working dad wasn’t home to look after her.

Fear when a homicide occurred in front of our California home when I was just six. For years I thought my life would end at the brutal hands of someone else because of that tragedy. More recently I’ve been able to talk myself out of that nonsense — for the most part.

Fear when my twelve-year-old-self finally told my parents I’d been being sexually abused by a close family member and some family friends. Their handling it left them in a rage — and me without much direction in coping.

Fear that my friends’ parents would find out that my dad was addicted to drugs and had a drinking problem and they wouldn’t allow their daughters to hang out with me.

Fear as a teenager that if I didn’t give into peer pressure then I wouldn’t be part of the “cool” crowd.

Fear when my dad, who’d finally cleaned up his act, had a dirt bike racing accident and was left a quadriplegic and ventilator dependent.

Fear when I fell asleep behind the wheel and our family’s car accident took my father’s life and left my brother with brain trauma.

My most reoccurring fear: that people will judge me by my past, my mistakes, my brokenness.

Fear.

It’s an emotion that I’ve allowed to become ingrained into my innermost thoughts for years. Surely I’ve allowed it to radically define me. And it’s exhausting.

I’m over it. I’m at my end with it.

I’ve finally had more than enough. I’m ready to pour out overbearing fear and fill up with Jesus’ overflowing peace and joy.

My biggest struggle, in getting healthy, (mentally) is that I know the truth of God’s perfect words in my mind, BUT I don’t always allow those truths to spread, connect, and melt down throughout my heart.

In the past few weeks though, as I’ve exhausted myself and pinpointed the deep rooted problem, I’ve felt hope in a whole new way. Hope that wants to redefine the way I look at myself. Hope that longs to proclaim true worth over me. Hope that brings peace within my soul.

Leaving me with positive counsel my friend advised me with truths she’d been given during her own battle in overcoming. She understood that I have trouble holding peace within my heart and I have a desire for control and this was her encouragement:

Be humble and kind.

Be slow to react. Take time to think.

Remember God is still in control, no matter what happens.

Jesus loves you.

Give yourself mercy and grace.

Perfection is unattainable this side of Heaven.

Along with that, I’ve began reading scripture that directly grabs fear at its core and puts it in its place.

‘For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.’ -2 Timothy 1:7

‘So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?’ -Hebrews 13:6

‘When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.’ -Psalm 56:3

I realize there will still be moments, maybe even days of torment, but I want to confidently hold onto this new hope and let go of my longtime character flaw of fear. Perhaps just writing this out and sharing my heart will help hold myself accountable — releasing fear and replacing it with God’s good peace.

Maybe this post was meant for no one other than myself — but if not — join me in believing and trusting that God can, will, and does offer hope if we just quiet our worry and allow Him to speak bold truth to our unsettled hearts.

-1 John 4:18 There’s no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Author: alimw2013

About For His Purpose~ My name is Alicia and I'm a thirty-something year old who loves Jesus. Only through God’s amazing grace and mercy I have been redeemed from past regret and shame. Reading His word has allowed me to look past Satan’s forceful lies, to see myself for who Christ says I am in Him. Through writing I have learned why I made the choices I made in my younger years and I now have a better understanding of why I desire to love God like crazy these days. Despite my daily failures, God remains faithful always. I am reassured of His unconditional love for me by every ink-drop spilled out on paper, each committed prayer as I cry out to Him, and deep understanding reflected through reading His word as truth. Yes keeping a blog will make me vulnerable to others’ opinions- there will be some who don’t understand, some who may criticize or judge, but on the other hand if just one piece expressed through my writing grabs someone’s attention and directs them to God, then pouring out my heart in a blog for the world to read is worth it. I choose to glorify Him alone through words streaming across a glowing screen. And it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t reveal the fact that I’m incredibly quirky; I’m my loving husband’s best friend, my vivacious kids’ craziest cheerleader and spiritual trainer (3 John 1:4). I love anything farmhouse and rustic style. I think cupping a warm coffee mug in the palm of my hands is more satisfying than the contents within. I share a common obsession with my husband for the mountains, but I would (without a doubt) settle for waves crashing against my legs at the Atlantic Ocean just as well, and I almost always have a Yorkie curled up on my lap while writing. *All photos are photographed by forhispurpose.blog and therefore may not be stored or photocopied in any manner.

65 thoughts on “I’m Over You Fear!”

  1. Your post helped me, Alicia. I’ve been dealing with a lot of fear and anxiety lately. I’m praying too that God’s peace would not just satisfy my mind but seep into my heart. You’re doing great! Jesus loves you so much.

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    1. That’s probably what I need to do also!!! I get overwhelmed—like it’s too much for my brain to process at times with help-info so I think that’s why I put off seeing a counselor 😏..but that’s definitely something never far from my mind!!

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      2. Okay great!! It sounds really good..I’m going to look it up..I do good with reading material because I can go back and forth re-reading over the stuff that really sticks out to me!

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    2. Agree with Matt here, Alicia. The church I attend also has a program called “Stephen Ministries” which though it’s not counseling based, it helps folks walk through life issues that have become a bit overwhelming to handle alone.

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      1. Ya we don’t have anything like that at our church..there’s a counselor in town I would see but my insurance ($$$) is horrible…that really sounds interesting though❤️I’ll have to google search it.

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  3. Walking through fear alone is like walking in the forest through thick thorny underbrush with no trail. I’m there only sometimes now. Christ has the trail cut out anyway when I follow. Thanks for writing this.

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  4. Alicia, I am writing about the same topic this week. Growing up in very legalistic churches, I can tell you I struggle with “performance”. So hard to shake. Might it be possible I will never totally be healed from it? What’s worse, when I do fail in life’s twists and turns, I want to sleep in a wintry cave with a bear. Knowing He sees us as justified, regardless of our faults, it makes it a bit easier to forgive self & see myself for who I am. I love your faithfulness to be bold and share your deep cracks in the heart. Love to you.
    Here’s to healthier fears in life. God’s grip. – Alan

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    1. Ya! I see what you mean…like Paul writes about the thorn in the flesh….we just have to believe and put our faith in the fact that Jesus offers mercy and grace and we can’t allow ourselves to get “hung up and stuck” on the thorn!!

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  5. Reading your post has touched my heart because now, you have allowed fear to see that no longer will you be fearful of it. It can be so cathartic to share our struggles and vulnerability with the Body. Exposing things that hold us captive can certainly take the weight off, and for me, it helps me to see what it is that I’m facing because I’m not dealing with the issue in the dark, but in His “Light.” Prayed and will be praying you sis. ❤️❤️

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  8. Alicia – I only know you as a fellow blogger but appreciated reading your story. I am sorry life has been so hard for you. Some people suffer extraordinarily more than others. BUT GOD has a purpose for it all. I truly believe this. Telling your story is the beginning.
    I have heard good things about the book by Dan Allender. May God use it to bring healing to your soul until you become a healed helper. ❤

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    1. Thank you!! I honestly feel a lot better after writing it out..another blogger once said when you write something out often times you see that it’s easier to make sense of, to process, and to heal…praying that continues to be the truth for me! Thanks for your encouragement and for reading ❤️

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  9. Wow! We are on the same wavelength, but for different reasons. Read my post on Thursday called “I won’t Be Affraid To Be Me.” I actually give you a quick mention without using your name, but I was thinking of what you said about struggling with fear as you write your posts. I do too. But there was another component to the equation that I needed to deal with. You likely did share this for yourself, but not only yourself. We all struggle with fear and being rejected. That’s exactly what the devil ants to do. Yep, read my post on Thursday. It also gave me confirmation that I need to share what I need to share. You may cry… lol. I sure cried as I battled fear, and then God gave me a song that was exactly how I was feeling, which made cry more. Keep going girl, you’re awesome, and you’re doing just great! By the way, I nominated you for the Mystery Blogger Award. I know you’re busy, so don’t feel like you have to accept it. I just really wanted to promote your blog. 😊 ❤ Take care, you! ❤

    https://godskidspeaks.com/2019/10/22/theyre-comin-outta-my-ears/

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    1. Thank you Tina for reading!! I will definitely read those posts, I’m finally getting caught up again on reading blogs!! Can’t wait to read it, if not tonight then tomorrow!! Thanks for the mystery Blogger Award nomination…you nominated me for a Barnabas Award at one point also and I still plan on doing that one too😂 I stink at time organization.
      I couldn’t believe your deal with the white mold, you’ll have to do a follow up post on that!

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      1. Oh, I will definitely be doing a follow up post. I already know what the theme of that post will be. Ugh… mold is not fun, but these things really can be blessings in disguise. I’ll explain more when I actually get to writing that post. On a good note, all the clothes in our closet are being sent to the dry cleaners, and the Landlord said he’ll subtract it from our rent. So thank the Lord we have a Landlord that will work with us, and is reasonable!

        I am throwing a bunch of stuff out, but it’s just stuff. Our health is way more important.

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  12. This post has left me with a lot to reflect upon. Indeed it is the Holy Spirit who directed you to write. I could identify with several struggles you have listen above especially, fear of acceptance. Thank you also for the encouraging scriptures. May God bless you in Jesus name!

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      1. I love that we have a lot in common. When you are the one encouraging others through your blog, people do not realise that you also need encouragement. That is what you have done for me today. Am the one who needed to be encouraged. Sharing my testimony sometimes gets hard. But when I meet some else doing it, it’s really encouraging! You have reminded me that I need to continually refuse fear. May God richly bless you and your family in Jesus name!

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      2. Yes I love that truth!! I’m anxious to read on your blog but I’m struggling with time management, that’s an area I need to improve on!!!!! I’m missing reading blogs, I just haven’t had time over the past month:/

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  14. Alicia, I just loved how you placed each fear intentionally at the foot of the cross when you spoke it in your blog. Fear can no longer hold you captive because it’s out, and your readers love your bravery! There is no condemnation! Really, all of us have a list of things we regret or fear, but you handed us a blessing when you boldly shared with us and showed us how to free ourselves from our own fears. I pray God richly blesses you because I know your bold throw down of fear will also help others!

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  15. This blog was courageous and beautiful. In addition to setting yourself free, I am sure others have been set free. God knows every second of our lives and he will give us beauty for ashes. I pray as you continue to boldly walk out the hard parts of your story that you will remember that you are a daughter of the highest king. Everything the enemy tries to use against you was taken care of by Jesus on the cross. Your inheritance includes joy, love, peace, favor and many countless things. God always honors our obedience. God bless you!

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  16. Alicia, way to go getting up the courage to write this out! It is surely healing for you and for others. The devil puts up smokescreens for us trying to isolate us, because if nobody talks about their fears, then everybody thinks that they are the only ones having troubles with it. The Lord wants us to walk out of that isolation in His dynamite power so we can pass on the power and help others get free, as well. You are not alone. ❤

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    1. Amen!! Thank you Ruth! You are so right, I’m thankful for you sharing this❤️
      I hope you are well! I’ve fallen so far behind in reading other blogs as I’ve been working on myself but I’ll get back into a routine❤️

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  18. Dearest Alicia, so many unpleasant reasons for the fear you carry. Yet your heart is so tender. The very evidence of God’s love at work in your life. He has given you a very good and wise friend.
    I share your struggle with fear, for a lot of the same reasons. It is hard to believe one thing can cause the other, but God has His way of bringing things to light. But praise His Holy name He has a way of bringing healing too. The scripture is a beautiful medicine, a wonderful counsel, and a faithful friend.
    I am praying for you. Stay safe and well. God loves you! ❤️

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    1. Yup you are so right!! There isn’t anything out there that provides healing and wellness like God’s word which leads straight to Him! So thankful for those powerful words of His❤️ thank you for reading!!

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