When Our Head and Heart Just Don’t Feel It

This isn’t the post I intended on writing this week, but when I see God working it prompts me to write and share!

My younger daughter, McKenzie, had been sick the past few weeks off and on…headaches, fevers, tummy aches…

The first time it happened I chalked it up to nothing other than the flu and when it showed up a few weeks later I thought ‘ok here we go again.’ After a few days though, when no other family members were getting sick, I began to worry. I loaded my girl up Friday morning and took her into the clinic and asked to have blood work done.

Poor girl, but a mama just knows.248B519C-E29A-4D80-AA81-DAD2BE5532DE

The blood tests came back with abnormal results and the physician grew concerned and referred us to a pediatrician a few hours away…the biggest concerns were weight loss and iron-deficiency anemia. They needed to know what was causing this. Our appointment with the pediatrician was set up for Monday afternoon.

Goodness, I don’t do well with waiting and wondering but I’m fantastic at worrying!! It was an incredibly looooong weekend and the anticipation of that appointment was killing me. Honestly I bet I gained a hundred new gray hairs over worrying and would probably be a perfect candidate to join the “Golden Girls” if they were still casting members, not only because of the gray hair but my dramatic flair too!!

While my girl was experiencing flu-like symptoms I was sick with my own: panic attacks, trouble breathing, pacing…I was a big, hot mess! I think that’s what my husband was getting at when he finally said, ‘Alicia, I don’t understand you; you’re such a strong person, but the minute trouble comes you let Satan right in and you don’t trust God!’ 

Ouch!

He didn’t say it with any sympathy either, it was just short, not sweet, to the point, and just what I needed to hear! But it didn’t change my frame of mind at the time either.

Looking back I know I greatly entertained Satan due to lacking trust in God even though I was subconsciously aware of what I was doing…Have you ever been there?

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 10 to ‘take every thought captive and make it obedient to the Lord.’ I kept considering this verse this past weekend as I’d get lost in depressive thoughts over my daughter. I also kept the verses from Proverbs 3:5-6 playing through my mind, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’

My head and heart just couldn’t communicate together though and I really struggled to focus on positive truths.

I thought of Paul in Romans 7:15 where he complains about his ways, saying: ‘For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.’ —I understand this verse so well because I live it too often, and these circumstances just reconfirmed that reality. Thankfully I know what Paul writes a few sentences later, ‘Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.’ And he doesn’t stop there, Paul goes on to say ‘who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!’

Like Paul, I too needed to believe and trust that Jesus is the answer in overcoming what seemed helpless. Jesus Christ freed us from the struggle of sin because of His sacrifice on Calvary; His resurrection power moves us to victory.

That same Jesus frees us today from sin’s grip.

I knew I needed to be continuing in prayer and reading God’s word, regardless of my wavering thoughts so I persisted on.

Sunday evening as I wrestled to fall asleep I felt God nudging my heart, ‘get up and go quietly pray over your daughter.’

My initial thoughts: Are you kidding me? She’s bunked up with Paige tonight and if the two of them wake to find me hunkered over them with my hands on Mc they’ll think I’m the uncanny ghost of Christmas Past and once they realize it’s actually me they’re gonna think I’m nuttier and crazier than they already do!!!

That’s not about to happen!…

I tossed and turned, and finally during the early morning hours my feet hit the floor as I made my way into the bedroom where both girls slept. I gently placed my hands on McKenzie’s little body and knelt down and quietly prayed over my girl—that God would heal her. That we would have quick answers and an easy fix and that His peace would fill us.

It was a short and simple prayer and it felt good that I’d been obedient to what I felt God calling me to do.

Yesterday we made the two-hour trip to the pediatric clinic, spent a whopping 15 minutes with the pediatrician who ordered blood work again for a comparison to Friday’s lab work, and then we headed back home.

It was quick but thorough and such an incredible blessing to find out that all of McKenzie’s blood tests came back absolutely normal!!!❤️❤️❤️

I’m not sure the reasoning for Mc’s wacky tests results on Friday or the flu-type symptoms, but I do know that even though my head and heart were messy throughout this, I remained obedient to God through reading His word and prayer (along with a great deal of family and friends praying) and I have a healthy girl to prove it!

Thank you Lord that you are the ultimate Physician and Healer over our lives—You are so good to us. Amen.

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Author: alimw2013

About For His Purpose~ My name is Alicia and I'm a thirty-something year old who loves Jesus. Only through God’s amazing grace and mercy I have been redeemed from past regret and shame. Reading His word has allowed me to look past Satan’s forceful lies, to see myself for who Christ says I am in Him. Through writing I have learned why I made the choices I made in my younger years and I now have a better understanding of why I desire to love God like crazy these days. Despite my daily failures, God remains faithful always. I am reassured of His unconditional love for me by every ink-drop spilled out on paper, each committed prayer as I cry out to Him, and deep understanding reflected through reading His word as truth. Yes keeping a blog will make me vulnerable to others’ opinions- there will be some who don’t understand, some who may criticize or judge, but on the other hand if just one piece expressed through my writing grabs someone’s attention and directs them to God, then pouring out my heart in a blog for the world to read is worth it. I choose to glorify Him alone through words streaming across a glowing screen. And it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t reveal the fact that I’m incredibly quirky; I’m my loving husband’s best friend, my vivacious kids’ craziest cheerleader and spiritual trainer (3 John 1:4). I love anything farmhouse and rustic style. I think cupping a warm coffee mug in the palm of my hands is more satisfying than the contents within. I share a common obsession with my husband for the mountains, but I would (without a doubt) settle for waves crashing against my legs at the Atlantic Ocean just as well, and I almost always have a Yorkie curled up on my lap while writing. *All photos are photographed by forhispurpose.blog and therefore may not be stored or photocopied in any manner.

36 thoughts on “When Our Head and Heart Just Don’t Feel It”

  2. Praise the lord for healing your daughter. Praise the Lord, too, for your victory over darkness and that you went against your fears and did what God told you to do, by faith. Our battle is not against flesh and blood but against those evil forces in the heavenly realms. This is such a great testimony for putting on that armor of God with which we are able to fight off all his wicked schemes against us. Amen! Thanks so much for sharing your story. What a blessing!

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  3. Such a terrific outcome. As I was reading I kept hoping for a good ending. At the same time, I was nodding my head in acknowledgement that I am guilty of your description. I never seem to learn during tough times of uncertainty. Thanks for the honesty in your struggle.

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    1. Yes we’re so thankful she’s well!!

      And I sure hope we’d all get better about trusting God the moment trouble creeps in! He’s such a Mighty Comforter so I’m not sure why we drag our feet lol

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    1. Yes thank you!! What a great point!!

      For Some reason my phone is not notifying me of your blog posts anymore 😔I’m gonna have to see what’s going on cause I miss reading them!!!

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  14. I’m so glad your daughter is okay!
    Sometimes, I think, we look at the tests God sends our way and think that the only options are pass or fail. But perhaps if we looked at them as learning experiences instead, we could better rejoice and rest in His loving lessons instead of stressing ourselves out over how we failed again.
    I know in all the years I’ve been raising kids, there were SO many times that they got sick on the weekend when the doctors were closed, and I had to wait, that I’m not even surprised anymore if someone gets sick on the weekend. I may worry at first, but then I’m like, oh yeah, it’s the weekend; yep, God’s going to take care of it.
    Good job getting up to pray for your daughter! Keep up the good work! 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much Ruth!! I apparently got ahead of myself though, this weeks post will have a dramatic (unfortunate) spin off from this last post BUT I’m really at peace and I know God has it under control!…more to follow on my next post !

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